My mom taught me a lot. One of the best bits of advice she ever gave me was this:

When you speak, pass what you want to say through three filters first. Ask yourself:

1] It is necessary?

2] Is it hurtful?

3] Is it true?

If what you are about to say does not pass all of these filters, better keep it to yourself.

I also recently stumbled upon a great list, “17 Mothers’ Secrets to a Good Life”.

It is as follows.

1. Be kind to everyone. You never know what’s really going on in someone’s life. — Mary Morgan

2. Dear child, when u grow up, remember not to give everything to a guy. — Nadia El Ghani

3. I have never heard one person say that life was easy. — Chris Taylor

4. Never become complacent in anything in life, whether it be driving, work, or relationships, you have to pay attention, and strive toward perfection. — Elizabeth Wysocki Landino

5. If a man or woman is down you give them your hand. — Shanesh Ranchhod

6. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are. — Uma Maheswari

7. Never pass up an opportunity to use the restroom. — Lisa Denton Riley

8. Always wear comfortable shoes. — Lisa Denton Riley

9. Friends won’t let you do stupid things…alone. — Casey Leigh Steel Brelsford

10. Be yourself, because unless you are true to you, there is no way you can be true to others. — Kayleigh Bondor

11. I will love you enough to tell you “no.” — Michele Chandler Dilbeck

12. No matter what your financial state, if a child’s needs are met, it is good for their character not to give them everything they want, make them earn the extras. — Barbara Jean Sunday

13. Wear an old coat; buy a new book. — Teressa Glazer

14. Doesn’t matter if you’re cold or it hurts, as long as you look good — Carla Rachael Ralls

15. God could not be everywhere, that’s why he created mothers. — Claire Villanueva

16. The best gift that can be given to a child is a Mom and Dad who love each other. — Leigh Ann Krohe

17. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it’s not a train — Casey Leigh Steel Brelsford

17 Things Your Mother Wants You to Know By Meaghan Cameron

You know, I’m sure it’s not just a ‘guy thing’. I’m sure it’s not just a ‘guys I meet thing’ either. It’s just ‘a thing’. I suppose I should explain.

A few weeks ago, a met this fella. We went out. A date? You know, I don’t really know. We went to dinner, ice cream, and a movie. He paid for the ice cream and movie. It was a decent time. Fireworks didn’t shoot up behind us, and there was not a goodnight kiss, but he was cute.

My girlfriends told me it was a date. I told them he never once asked anything about me, that I spent most of the time asking him about his aspirations with school, his family, his work, you know, the usual. I dressed nicely. He swung his feet up on a second stool at the table and might as well have been in a La-Z-Boy. Still, he was cute enough.

He even showed me this ‘great’ video that he thought was hilarious on his fancy iPhone that was mounted on a fancy holder in his fancy car. It was racist. The video, not the car. I kind of just ‘heh heh’d’ my way through it, and directed him to a different video online that I thought was funny… and not racist.

Anyways, so the night was alright, like I said, nothing to write home to mom about, but nothing to really completely brush off either, I suppose. I mean, he was cute… So after said date/non-date, I talked to him online afterwards, and somehow ended up being told by him that he had a handful of girls he could call up and have sex with if he wanted. “But I’d have to make the drive… and fuck that” he said. Hmm… alright. Oh, and also how USUALLY he opens doors and things and is a real gentleman, except for tonight [the night we went out] “for some reason”. Dude, it’s cool. If we didn’t hit it off, fine. But don’t insult me by saying you decided to leave chivalry out the door “for some reason”. Aaaaanyway….

Didn’t hear from this guy until the weekend. Non-date was on Monday. No biggie, I mean, “for some reason” I wasn’t waiting by the phone. So we ended up talking a little online… again, about him. This time, he was ranting about how he had to call 911 because a customer had a heart attack. He then threw in something about ‘karma’, the guy not tipping, and a racist slur. I proceeded to tell him that it wasn’t a very nice thing to say, and promptly got a ‘I’m racist, deal’ [in so many words… but he did say “deal”.] I decided NOT to ‘deal’ and pretty much told him I wasn’t going to waste his time or mine, that I didn’t like his racist comments, and that I had spent a good deal of time trying to get to know him and be nice and I didn’t appreciate his rudeness. I also said that I like to be straight up with people, and that I didn’t quite know what the heck he even wanted, when one minute he’s being sweet and the next being rude, and then acting like he has no idea what I’m talking about when I point it out. He never responded. I basically wrote him off, and didn’t really care either.

So, after doing a little rant to my girlfriends about how silly this guy turned out to be [shame, he was cute…]… I end up getting a text from him a few nights ago. He acted quite surprised that I did not invite him over to join me in the movie I was watching, and proceeded to act like everything was cool. I set him straight, telling him again, I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time, including my own, and that I didn’t like his racism, etc blah blah blah [note, I am missing vital parts of City Slickers at this point.]. He insists “Racism has taken a backseat lately.” Oh. Well that’s a plus. And told me he was really a nice guy and that he could be sweet. He never appologized but, really, I was like whatever, fine. I don’t really care at this point.

He then starts asking me to get together with him, that very night. Mind you, it’s like 2:00 in the morning. I’m about to go to bed. He whines a little about not being available because of work, school, and what have you [he does work two jobs and takes summer classes, so I get it…]. He also kind of gushes a bit about how he knows he’s moody, is an only child, might have some issues, but but but but but…. oh, and he doesn’t like to be ignored. Right. I say “Look, don’t text/want to hang out with me because you didn’t like me ignoring you, do it because you have a genuine interest.” I am really trying to give this guy a break, a second chance. Maybe he was a nice guy? I mean, he WAS cute, right? He says, “genuine interest ;)” I soften a bit, again, thinking, ok, first impressions can be pretty crappy, and maybe I could give him the benefit of the doubt? I don’t know…

After asking me once again to hang out with him right that instant, I tell him, for the umpteenth time, no, I was going to bed, but, if he really wanted to see me, he’d make the time. He says, “you only get one opportunity… one shot” something or other. I called him Eminem and said I was going to bed. He whined a little more, saying he wanted a goodnight kiss. We talked about the rain, how awesome the storm was, he said he stayed up just to see the storm come through… and.. I ended up falling asleep.

Skip to the next night, which would be last night. I send him a text, apologizing for randomly disappearing the night before, that I had fallen asleep. He calls me, talks about his plans for the night, and that he’ll talk to me later. Alright, have fun. See ya. No big deal, yada yada.

Today, facebook news feed says ‘Hey, you know that guy who was begging you to come over and give him a good night kiss two nights ago? Yeah, he went from “being single to in a relationship”.’ Ha. Honey, you can have him. Sure he’s cute, but sheesh!

Please give me the strength to get through tomorrow. I feel selfish even asking that, knowing full well tomorrow will be easy for me compared to the difficulty others will be facing.

~~~

Please help me to comfort my dear friend and her family. Let this be a lesson in love.

~~~

Honestly, I’ve been disappointed in the changes in my friendship with this friend, the loss of what we used to have. A bit angry at life, at her, for the distance, both physically and emotionally, that has grown between us.

~~~

Let this be a lesson in knowing, understanding what true friendship really means. Knowing that life, and people, change but that doesn’t have to change what you mean to each other, or change the memories you have, or the bond you’ll always share, or just how simply, you want more than anything to be there when they are hurting.

~~~

My throat is full and my eyes are about to overflow just thinking about how much she is hurting. How she was still able to laugh when I talked to her on the phone for the first time in over a year. How the voice was the same as the best friend I felt I lost, and how I knew that behind that voice of a young woman determined to be strong and unbreakable, was a little girl, devastated.

~~~

Give me the strength to comfort her tomorrow, to let hew know that she is not alone, that she will get through this, that she will always be my best friend, and that it doesn’t matter what’s happened between us.

~~~

What matters is we are there for each other when it means the most.

~~~

~~~

Just breath.

I believe in love.

~

I do, I really really do.

~

I am a hopeless romantic, and I’m okay with that. I get really excited thinking about eventually getting into that forever kind of relationship.

~~~

I know it. I just know it, deep down in my overflowing heart that some day, some man is going to find my insatiable sense of wonder for the little things,  the hugs and kisses I want to give him, the cartwheels I randomly cannot stop myself from doing, irresistible. He might even smirk in admiration at my silly obsession with Hanson. He will find my pouting and defensiveness manageable, enduring even. He’ll know when to set me straight, and when to let me just be. He’ll be okay with me being just me, utterly imperfect, but trying her best. He’ll see me. All of me. And like me anyways.

~~~

I’m okay with having to wait for it. It’s hard, being patient when you are so anxious to just let go and really give it all you got, to love unrestricted, to be able to just kiss someone whenever you want, to say “I love you” and really mean it, and know that you saying that makes them happy, makes them feel special. But I’ll wait. I’ll wait for just the right one.

~~~

Despite all the mean boys who have made fun of me because of my weight, despite the men who have cheated on their wives, and the girls who take advantage of the nice boys I have really liked, I believe in love.

~~~

I’m not perfect, or even perfectly lovely. But I know I’m a good person, and I know I know how to love. I know I want to love somebody so much it might even annoy them or others with it. But I won’t ever change my passion and “bound-around-the-room excitement for the person I love” style of living and loving.

~~~

I won’t ever change knowing a tear can win an argument. I’ll admit to being a girl, a big giant baby of a girl sometimes. I’ll also admit to mothering, to wanting to care for people so diligently it might come across wrong, overbearing, maybe controlling…? Sometimes I’m not always nice, but I promise I feel guilty about any unkindness.

~~~

But I know that I am always trying to be good, to be the best I can be, and make others happier. On the same note, I make mistakes, I sometimes say the wrong thing, and sometimes I even go on a tangent where I talk far too much, and tell a story that is far too long.

~~~

But some one, I just know it, will love that about me. They will love me to the point of ridiculousness, and I, I will run and jump and squeal into their arms, hold their hand tightly and shout at the top of my lungs, “I BELIEVE IN LOVE!”

1.      Taking my mom to see Celine Dion in concert in Milwaukee. I remember Celine coming out onto stage for the first time, and with tears welling up in my eyes, I looked over at my mom and saw her grinning like a fool with tears in her eyes too. I don’t know what it was, but we were just so overtaken with emotion. I felt really close to my mom in that moment. We were extremely excited and moved by her performance. We had seats way up in the nose bleeds, but it was one of the best experiences ever.

 ~

2.      When I was 12 years old, my mom took me and my best friend heather to see Hanson in Chicago at the B96 Halloween Bash in October of 1997. It was my first concert ever. Again, we had seats 3 rows from the very last and highest seats from the very tip top of the Rosemont Horizon. Heather and I spent the whole show screaming and crying, completely overwhelmed by the experience, not even caring we had quite possibly the worst seats ever. It was my first taste of live music. Little did I know, it was just the beginning.

 ~

3.      “Hanson Day”.  I think I was in 7^th grade. So probably May 6^th, 1998. Heather and I wrote on our arms and hands words associated with Hanson like ‘Happy Hanson Day’ and ‘MMMBop!’. We were so young and so proud! Not halfway through the day, we were made to wash it off by teachers and the principle. We were reprimanded pretty harshly. We both ended up in tears. Somehow, my mom found out about it before I had even gotten home. The whole day I felt ashamed for the first time of being passionate about something I loved. Yet, when I arrived home, I walked into my bedroom, and my mom had set up a little walkway of streamers leading up to a little table she had set up in the middle of the room with a little coconut cake (my favorite!) and two bottles of Pepsi (my favorite!) with a picture of Hanson on the table and a little sign that said ‘Happy Hanson Day!’. I knew right then and there… Mom understood.

~

4.      The ‘Nutcracker’ surprise that my mom and Aunt Debbie created for me in the 3^rd grade. I got pulled out of school early one day because I had a “dentist appointment”. However, instead of taking me to the dentist, mom brought me home. When we pulled into the drive way, she gave me a card, explaining that there was a big surprise happening for my birthday that night, and that I couldn’t ask any questions. My birthday was at least a few weeks away, so it was a huge surprise. She proceeded to take me inside, let me take a really awesome bubble bath, and blow dried my hair into a silky golden mane, complete with a gold headband. She brought me into her room where a brand new dress was laid out. After I got dressed and finished getting ready, we drove to a McDonald’s a ways away from home (my sense of time and direction then was very poor…). I remember being VERY confused as to why the heck I dressed up to go THERE! We waited there for a few minutes, when suddenly, my Aunt Debbie showed up! She lived about 3 hours away, so I was very excited (and confused) to see her. Mom put a little suitcase into my aunt’s trunk and I was whisked away to a very big city! I was so amazed by the big skyscrapers! My aunt asked me if I knew where we were. “New York City?” I asked, wide eyed. She laughed. We were in Milwaukee… Ha. We ate dinner and then went to a huge theater. We ended up seeing the Nutcracker Ballet. It was phenomenal. I remember when we were riding in the elevator up to our seats, and an old woman made a comment about how my hair matched my headband, and how beautiful it was. I felt like the prettiest girl in the world.

~

5.      Sitting with my Grandma Fran at her kitchen table, talking about why we cry all the time. She told me she cries most when good things happen to her, when people are kind, and when life is overwhelming, in a positive, uplifting way. She talked about how blessed she felt. It is my favorite memory with my grandma.

~

6.      Standing on the shore of and swimming with my brother in Tenaya Lake in Yosemite. It was the first time in my life that simply looking at nature made me cry. It was so overwhelming beautiful.

 ~

7.      The entire trip to Yosemite was just absolutely incredible, but despite the Tenaya Lake visit, seeing the huge trees, swimming in the mountainside lakes and rivers, horseback riding, among a million other amazing experiences, the best parts were the nights my father, brother, and I spent on the balcony each night, cooking dinner together, having a few cocktails, and talking until late into the night. I don’t remember laughing so hard. One night we planned in detail where we would go the following day. We wrote a precise schedule, including dinner options with phone numbers of the places, approximate time frames, driving distances, and closely looking at the map to find the most efficient way of travelling. We were so proud of that schedule. I also remember how we kept running into one side of the glass patio door, so we made a ‘sign’ out of a paper towel, hung by a suction cup dart, so we would remember that it was there. Oh, and the night we cooked and ate the best damn corn of our lives. WOW. We made so many amazing memories on that little balcony. It was those nights that made that trip so special.

~

8.      The day my brother, dad, and I ‘scrambled’ at the Red Rock Canyon, in Las Vegas. Again, we laughed so damn hard that day.

 ~

9.      I can’t place a specific time or game in particular, but I distinctly remember sitting next to my dad at Lambeau field, listening intently as he explained to me the rules of football. I learned about penalties and what downs meant. Even today, I learn new things every game. It’s why I love the Packers so much. It’s something that has brought my dad and I together.

 ~

10.  When I was 7, I had surgery. I was in the hospital for at least a week. It was the hardest and scariest thing I ever went through. Yet, I was never ever alone. Mom stayed with me every single moment. Thinking back on it now, I know that even though Dad wasn’t there with me at the hospital as much as Mom, he was working hard to make sure we could afford what I’m sure was a very expensive procedure. I’m assuming that without his hard work, we wouldn’t have had the insurance to cover it either. I do know that his boss sent me a big bunny rabbit stuffed animal. That tells me that Dad was talking to everyone about how his little girl was in the hospital.

~

I have to take the time to remember these moments, which are just a few among many. They remind me that there are people in my life (even those not specifically mentioned in these particular memories) that love me, and have provided me with a blessed life. Most of all, they remind me that my parents love me. They have provided me with so many experiences that I cannot begin to thank them for. They are there for me, supporting me both financially and emotionally. I owe everything I am, everything I have, and everything I’ve done, to them. Our family hasn’t always had a smooth ride. There have been hurt feelings, fights, broken hearts, and misunderstandings, difficulty forgiving, forgetting, and dealing with what we’ve gone through. I hope that they know, despite it all, I know I was loved, fiercely. I know I am still loved just as much today and every single day into the future. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for everything. I get both my weaknesses and strengths from you, from what you’ve taught me, from who you’ve raised me to be. I can only hope that I make you proud, and that you feel my gratitude and my returning love just as much I as I feel yours. I love you both, very, very much.