My mom taught me a lot. One of the best bits of advice she ever gave me was this:

When you speak, pass what you want to say through three filters first. Ask yourself:

1] It is necessary?

2] Is it hurtful?

3] Is it true?

If what you are about to say does not pass all of these filters, better keep it to yourself.

I also recently stumbled upon a great list, “17 Mothers’ Secrets to a Good Life”.

It is as follows.

1. Be kind to everyone. You never know what’s really going on in someone’s life. — Mary Morgan

2. Dear child, when u grow up, remember not to give everything to a guy. — Nadia El Ghani

3. I have never heard one person say that life was easy. — Chris Taylor

4. Never become complacent in anything in life, whether it be driving, work, or relationships, you have to pay attention, and strive toward perfection. — Elizabeth Wysocki Landino

5. If a man or woman is down you give them your hand. — Shanesh Ranchhod

6. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are. — Uma Maheswari

7. Never pass up an opportunity to use the restroom. — Lisa Denton Riley

8. Always wear comfortable shoes. — Lisa Denton Riley

9. Friends won’t let you do stupid things…alone. — Casey Leigh Steel Brelsford

10. Be yourself, because unless you are true to you, there is no way you can be true to others. — Kayleigh Bondor

11. I will love you enough to tell you “no.” — Michele Chandler Dilbeck

12. No matter what your financial state, if a child’s needs are met, it is good for their character not to give them everything they want, make them earn the extras. — Barbara Jean Sunday

13. Wear an old coat; buy a new book. — Teressa Glazer

14. Doesn’t matter if you’re cold or it hurts, as long as you look good — Carla Rachael Ralls

15. God could not be everywhere, that’s why he created mothers. — Claire Villanueva

16. The best gift that can be given to a child is a Mom and Dad who love each other. — Leigh Ann Krohe

17. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it’s not a train — Casey Leigh Steel Brelsford

17 Things Your Mother Wants You to Know By Meaghan Cameron

I had a rather treacherous journey back to DeKalb at 45 miles per hour, getting slush splashed over me as anxious semi trucks and cars passed me, putting like a granny. For a rather lengthy period of time on 88, one driver decided to snuggly sit his or her front bumper onto my rear end. He or she may or may not have been roughly a car length behind, but I felt like he or she was breathing down my automotive neck. Despite his or her lack of consideration for the wintery conditions and the overall safety of our small vehicular wolf pack, I refused to be bullied and intimidated. I stubbornly stayed at 45 miles per hour, sometimes less, as I felt comfortable, safe, content, and as happy as I could be with headlights blinding me in all my mirrors and snow whirling and freewheeling into my windshield. 

A gal of analogies, I can’t help but apply this to my life. I won’t give in to bullies, nor will I sacrifice my safety or happiness for the stubbornness and carelessness of others. I will also never give up on something or someone I love. I have my limits, as 45 miles per hour was mine this evening. I will let others cling to my bumper for only so long. I may speed up a fraction to appease them or slow down to establish my intentions, but in the end, I will continue my journey with myself as the top priority. I do what I do to make me happy. Sometimes, making others happy is what does it. Sometimes, fighting for a rather seemingly obvious lost cause does it. My trail to happiness, my journey, is going to be covered in slush and tears some seasons; others it will be a much smoother and safer ride. I’m going to stay on it though. Can I handle the seasons of my life? Yes. I can, and I will.  Surrounding myself with who I deem worthy and necessary is my choice. It makes my life worth something. It makes me happy. It makes me feel alive. I am alive, and that is the best that I can do. 

In a conversation this evening, I said:

Maybe it’s a weakness, or naive, to focus on people’s good, as opposed to their bad.

No one is perfect.

People spend so much time in their own minds beating themselves up over their faults and flaws.

So, why not be the person who reminds them about the good.

I made a pretty big decision this weekend about my future. 

To begin, NIU has two tracks in their counseling master’s program: Clinical Mental Health and School Counseling. I elected to be a part of the School Counseling program. I wrote in my letter of intent when I applied for the program: 

I am interested in earning a Master’s of Science in Education in Counseling. There are four general reasons why I want to pursue this degree and become a school counselor, which also implement my goals regarding my future as a counselor.

The first is based on my major in psychology and minor in family and child studies. I feel they are a perfect juxtaposition for supporting my graduate studies and hopeful career in school counseling. I feel that what I have learned and my personal interest have prepared me for further study and working with children and students. My own experiences with school counselors have been both effective and ineffective at times, motivating me to want to improve the qualities I found lacking and embrace and build upon those that were helpful to me as a student.

The second reason I want to get into this counseling program is because I feel that children are in school for a very significant amount of time throughout their lives. School faculties are like a group of second parents, raising and teaching children on a daily basis. There needs to be someone, if not more than one person, who is there for students in times of need. Where home life and parents lack, schools need to exceed. Each and every school, I feel, needs to have an educated and determined counselor (or group of counselors) in their staff who knows how to facilitate a safe haven, a place of encouragement and understanding. This directly relates to my desire to be that person. I also know that school counseling positions often deal with academic advising as well. It is my goal to be the person in a school that knows the importance of talking with students about their futures and help to guide them in the right direction. 

The last reason I would like to get involved in this program is because I have an interest in bullying and school violence. I would like to bring this interest and passion into schools, to work with students who are the aggressors, who are the victims, and who are likely to be either. I want to focus on both individuals and overall school environments to promote non violence and communication. I would love to organize school pacts, workshops, and programs that bring attention to bullying and school violence and hopefully prevent it from happening or accelerating. One of my goals is to be available to travel to schools to lecture on the importance of effective strategies to raise awareness, prevent, and react to bullying and school violence. I also would like to be directly involved with students when there is violent crisis, like a shooting, to assure they are getting the help that they need and to work towards understanding how and why it occurred. 

As my first semester began, my brain started churning, rolling around the idea of doing work outside of the school system. I loved my first classes, which were all general and classes both school and clinical students take. I particularly felt passionate about my group counseling class. I least liked my career counseling class. I learned of the importance of career advising in the latter, but felt it wasn’t something I would want to spend much time on in my own career. 

So, my second semester just began, and this weekend I attended my first class focused on strictly school counseling: CAHC 523 School Counseling:Programs, Issues and Practices. Prior to the 8 hours class, we were instructed to read the first two chapters of the book and do a sort of online scavenger hunt to several important and official websites pertaining to the school counseling profession. I found the reading a bit frustrating, and the web searched somewhat uninteresting. The twinge returned. The questioning grew. Does this really sound like what I want to do? 

Do not misunderstand; I was, and still am, 100% sure I wanted to be a counselor. I loved the program and, as I’ve expressed to fellow students, teachers, and classes, this is exactly where I belong, I am home among these people. However, imagining myself immersed in the material and topics presented in this first assignment was unsettling. 

Regardless, I went to class prepared, enthusiastic, and ready to learn. As class went on, I felt myself becoming even more uneasy. One thing Dr. Tollerud emphasized was the role of a school counselor. In my own words, she said the role of a school counselor is to enhance the learning process, to improve the ability of the student to succeed in school. School counselors focus on three domains: career, academic, and socio-emotional. The ‘new vision’ for school counselors lie in the following: leadership, advocacy and systematic change, teaming and collaboration, counseling and coordination, and assessment and use of data. The text book, under ‘counseling and coordination’ mentioned ‘brief counseling’. That unnerved me. Dr. Tollerud also said (as I poorly quote), “If you’re sitting there thinking, Oh, but the mental health aspects! Spending three hours talking through a problem… et cetera… you need to come talk to me.” I was sitting there shouting that in my head. I was wondering where on earth I’d find the time to really spend with these kids, working through their problems, helping them to discover happiness and healthy thinking. 

I stayed after class and spoke with Dr. T about my concerns. I told her about my interests, additionally those of suicide, depression, and self harm that I didn’t mention in my letter of intent, but have made known in my classes and to others. She told me that, for example, if I had a student come to me feeling suicidal, I would keep them with me, talk to them a little until I could get them in a safe place, either with parents, or in a hospital, and then the student would be treated somewhere else or by someone else. My only contact really with them after the fact would be to monitor them, and be there in the school to keep an eye on them. That is not at all what I imagined my future as a school counselor would be. She also told me that I’d probably get one or two students a year who I could really get down to the nitty-gritty with. I would be able to run groups (if funding and my school allowed), present to classes on things like body image, the importance of good study skills, etc. However, the one-on-one time would be mostly academic planning, assuring they were able to graduate, participate in classes, have the resources to succeed, and the like. 

While I find these and other tasks of a school counselor important, and still strongly support what I said in my letter, I don’t think that being a school counselor would allow me to do what I really want to do. I can still work with adolescents and teens, I can still be a beacon of hope, I can still study school violence and bullying, I can still come in as a guest speaker to speak with students, I can still be a pillar of strength and place a refuge for those whose parents are not as prevalent in their lives. I can just do it outside of the school. Furthermore, I can also spread my wings to young adults and adults alike. I can run even more diverse groups. I can work with families and couples. I could have my own practice! I could work among other professionals and not be bound by the constraints of the school system. I can see clients weekly, or less, or more, based on their needs and the schedule we decide, not based on the fact that I have hundred of other students to attend to. Did you know that while the recommended student to school counselor ratio is 250:1, the actual average ratio currently in Illinois is 667:1??? Two hundred and fifty ‘clients’? Recommended? Six hundred and sixty seven!? That is not at all the future I want.

I commend those who do, and again, even now more than ever, respect the role of a school counselor. However, it is not for me. 

So, 523 has been dropped, and 784 (Theoretical Foundations of Family Therapy) has been added. To school counselors, perhaps I have gone to the dark side, but hey, they we have cookies. (And by cookies, I mean a more satisfying and happy future for this lady.)