After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
1:36 am, by sarahmiller
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***
a word for word cut and pasted excerpt from a long winded conversation via Facebook chat with my friend about relationships and about making tough decisions
***
Me: People are going to hurt you.
especially when we are the kind of people who give a lot of ourselves
we invest in people
my mom gave me this 'lecture' once
she said that when you're the kind of person who invests, you tend to not always get what you give given back
to you
so, you have two choices
you can change
and just stop giving
or
you can keep giving
I've chosen to keep being me
to keep investing in people
because I believe that my life will see the love I give returned to me
(John Mayer lyrics right there, btw)
maybe i'm naive to have this optimistic hope
maybe i'm doomed
but I can't give up on love
or on people
I believe that one day, someone will suprise me
someone will be worth the wait
worth the trials and errors
I won't stop being kind and hopeful and will continue to give people the benefit of the doubt
even if so many people, friends, relationships, and otherwise have proven me wrong time and again
because I like being me
I like having hope
I like digging for the sunshine
because life would be really shitty and dull if I just gave up, got bitter, and shunned the world away
because you know what
along the way, iv'e found a few little treasures
a select few people that, even though they aren't a boyfriend or the perfect lover
they're friends
some really really great girl friends
who are always there for me
they're not exactly like me
they're so very different in a lot of ways
but they're the reason I still have hope
because there are good honest people out there
and you know what, NO ONE will defeat my spirit
I'll be the one smiling in the end, no matter what.
SCREW people who don't see the worth that I have in me
you don't have to 'take the high road'
you can take the 'You road'
you take the road that makes YOU happy
that takes care of the little you inside
the one who needs protecting
if that means cutting some cancer out of your life, then bite the leather strap and do it
if that means standing your ground and saying, LOOK. I want to be your friend. but you damn well better start treating me better, because that's what I deserve
I've told a very good friend of mine who was treating me like shit that I wasn't going anywhere, after he basically was like, I'm not worth being friends with, just find other people, replace me.
I told him that i deserved to be treated better. that I wouldn't let him to continue to treat me poorly, but also that I wasn't about to let him push me away because of his issues and insecurities
things haven't been easy, and our friendship changed, but he was worth keeping around for me. the good, int he end outwieghed the bad. but things are better. still not as easy as they were before, but we're still friends
but he's one who made the cut
others haven't.
so it's your choice
you have to take care of you
if you're strong enough to stand up in this friendship/relationship and demand the respect and treatment you deserve, then do it
if this is just one of those you have to chalk up to bad timing or not meant to be, then do it
i've had to make the choice between the two decisions before
it's not easy
but it's survivable.
life's not easy. but that's a tidbit of what i've learned.
it works for me.
I've had my fair share of nights crying hard and loud into my pillow, believe you me
but, here i am
better for it
i'm still vulnerable.
but i'm still strong.
and so are you.
Exactly.
